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【托福作文求批改菜鸟~高中英语90分几乎无语法根底Thecity,Shenzhen,whereI’mlivinghere,bynodoubtisbothinternationalandvividineconomy,policy,andeducation.Acomparativefeaturewhenyouputothercitiesinchinaintoa】
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托福作文求批改菜鸟~高中英语90分几乎无语法根底

Thecity,Shenzhen,whereI’mlivinghere,bynodoubtisbothinternationalandvividineconomy,policy,andeducation.Acomparativefeaturewhenyouputothercitiesinchinaintoaccount.Ilovemyhometownofcourse.However,andnotsurprisingly,youcanfindoutvariousproblemsthatneededtobeamelioratedundertheglitteringfacadesofShenzhen.Ifyouaskmetomakeachoicetochangemycityonmerelyonething,itwouldbenotthornytopickuptheanswer---democracy.

Itallalittlebitprovocativetopreachtheideaofdemocracyhereinchina.Shenzhen,however,asacitywhereenjoy,toagreatextent,arelativefreedominchina,shouldalwaysserveasaprecursortotheothers.Andthebenefitofhavingdemocracyinanareaisbeyondillustrating.Icanadduceseveraladvantageshere.

Firstly,itwouldhelpthedevelopmentofacity.Athresholdnotionmightspontaneouslyoccurtoyouandme,isthatdemocracyanddevelopmentareinevitablyinterconnectedineverysubtlecorners.Democracyisdefinitelyafundamentalelementofprosperity,inthatitprovidesabuildingblockfromwhichbrillianteducation,prosperouseconomy,andotherrudimentalfactorsofasocietyareproduced.Tocrystallizingthispointclearly,wecouldtakeclosescrutinyonthesituationofHongKongwhereenjoyahighlevelofdemocracy.TherethreeuniversitiesinHongkongarerankintotop50allovertheglobe,whilewedon’tevenhaveasingleuniversitytomatchtheminmainland.Foreconomy,HongkongalsoplayanextremelysignificantroleofcentraleconomyofAsiasince20century.Theevidencecanneverbedifficulttofind,evenwhenwetoldaboutthehealthcaresystem,Hongkongisatleast20yearsaheadofushereinShenzhen.

Secondly,itisachangethatiswaitingtohappen.Theprimaryassuranceofprosperityisbaseondemocracy.Itwouldbeeasilyoverstatetheprospectofanareaunderauthoritarianism.Althoughchinaisnotlongeratthatdisappointedstate,ahardeffortmustbetakeninthecomingseveralyears.Thehistoryhasdemonstratedinnumeroustimesthatacountrymustbechangedamidstofgatheringcloudsragingstorms,Forchina,itwouldbeetherbecomeaNorthKoreaincholesterol,andthangoonthewoefulpathofdeclination,orbecomearisingsuperpo

邓福盛回答:
  Thecity,Shenzhen,whereI’mlivinghere,bynodoubtisbothinternationalandvividineconomy,policy,andeducation.Acomparativefeaturewhenyouputothercitiesinchinaintoaccount.Ilovemyhometownofcourse.However,andnotsurprisingly,youcanfindoutvariousproblemsthatneededtobeamelioratedundertheglitteringfacadesofShenzhen.Ifyouaskmetomakeachoicetochangemycityonmerelyonething,itwouldbenotthornytopickuptheanswer---democracy.   Itallalittlebitprovocativetopreachtheideaofdemocracyhereinchina.Shenzhen,however,asacitywhereenjoy,toagreatextent,arelativefreedominchina,shouldalwaysserveasaprecursortotheothers.Andthebenefitofhavingdemocracyinanareaisbeyondillustrating.Icanadduceseveraladvantageshere.   Firstly,itwouldhelpthedevelopmentofacity.Athresholdnotionmightspontaneouslyoccurtoyouandme,isthatdemocracyanddevelopmentareinevitablyinterconnectedineverysubtlecorners.Democracyisdefinitelyafundamentalelementofprosperity,inthatitprovidesabuildingblockfromwhichbrillianteducation,prosperouseconomy,andotherrudimentalfactorsofasocietyareproduced.Tocrystallizingthispointclearly,wecouldtakeclosescrutinyonthesituationofHongKongwhereenjoyahighlevelofdemocracy.TherethreeuniversitiesinHongkongarerankintotop50allovertheglobe,whilewedon’tevenhaveasingleuniversitytomatchtheminmainland.Foreconomy,HongkongalsoplayanextremelysignificantroleofcentraleconomyofAsiasince20century.Theevidencecanneverbedifficulttofind,evenwhenwetoldaboutthehealthcaresystem,Hongkongisatleast20yearsaheadofushereinShenzhen.   Secondly,itisachangethatiswaitingtohappen.Theprimaryassuranceofprosperityisbaseondemocracy.Itwouldbeeasilyoverstatetheprospectofanareaunderauthoritarianism.Althoughchinaisnotlongeratthatdisappointedstate,ahardeffortmustbetakeninthecomingseveralyears.Thehistoryhasdemonstratedinnumeroustimesthatacountrymustbechangedamidstofgatheringcloudsragingstorms,Forchina,itwouldbeetherbecomeaNorthKoreaincholesterol,andthangoonthewoefulpathofdeclination,orbecomearisingsuperpowerallovertheglobe.   Thirdly,itwouldbesignificanttoallyoungpeopleinourcountry,thefreedomofspeech,faith,pursueofartandstudyareallstronglyconnectedtoourdailylifeandexertedaineluctableimpactonwhowewilleventuallybe.Thelimitationoftransparencyinuniversityinchinahavebecomethemajorobstacleofimprovethequalityofeducation.Fundoneducationandresearcharealwaysmiserlesslygonetothemurkysidebecauseofprevalentcorruptionhere,anddemocracywillputthoseinhighofficeinthesurveilancecamera,thusavoidthecorruptiontoalargedegree.   Tosumup,Democracywouldbethatverypedestalneededtobebringtoourhometown,andeventothewholecountry.Idon’thavethiskindofpowernow,butIdobelieveitwouldcometruesomedayinmylife,andthatdaywouldmarkthegenuineinitiationofchinaasatrulysubstantialsuperpower.
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